sorry it's been forever since i've posted last.. it's been because i got my computer taken away when my mom found my xanga.. so now that i've gained enough weight for her to get off my back.. and made passwords for just baout everything..  i've got to do it ALL over again.. AHHH it'll be twice as hard but idk what it takes.. im going hardcore and extremely strict because i feel terrible and i look even worse..

people have been saying things like "what happened? you were looking so great for a little while" or like "you weren't to the point that it was scary.. but you were MODEL thin and now you're like not fat but not skinny" but that's where they're wrong.. IM HUUGGEE NOWW.. not actually too much of an appearance to the eye.. buttt i can feel the fat on me.. almost like its weighing me down.. i can't stand it..

so now that im back to 117.5... im more or less back to beign a fucking cow and eating like one.. grass or anyhtign that resembles it.. i can still manage to still sqeeze into my double zeros.. but its disgusting the amount of love handles have recently shown up and now bulge over most jeans.. but the most dramatic thing is i've gone up a cup size haha.. i'm not really complaining but then again it just goes to show the amount of body fat i've developed.. siickk

now that i've got my computer back i'll make sure so post every few days.. so keep in touch and stay strong lovelies

nneww but bad pictures from hc haha

emily me leila.. my chest looks like skeletal? you can see more than jsut collar bones!

alexis vanessa leila emily me kerianne

because myt dress blends into the darknes.. you have to notice my moms hand isnt touching my back yet.. so dont think my waist is that big ahha

butttttt ill update later with an actual entryyy

love you alll

p.s. i've gained two pounds in the past week.. back to 112  haven't been so strict.. definatly getting back on track annd this time i've got some oif my closest friends fasting with me.. so i'll have tons of motivation

<3 Laurenn

yeah so i definatly went shopping today for a homecoming dress.. omg i am so excited because i totally found THE PRETTIEST dress i've ever seen in my life.. im going to blow everyone away with it haha it was definatly worth the 350 dollar price tag and the 200 dollar shoes to match.. not to meantion jewelry (which i havent even bought yet!) oh god i am going to be SO in debt after this is over with haha but oh well its totally worth it to me..

but wow did it feel good when the smallest size they had in BCBG (the XS) was big around the waist so i have to get it taken in! i cant wait for everyone to finally see the new and improved me.. ive sortof been trying to postpone wearing tight shirts and stuff because i want it to be a HUGE surprize and i want to be FLOODED with compliments ahh can you tell im gushing about it because im so excited!!

anywayss.. im down another two pounds.. im at 110 now.. loosing the last few has been wayy harder than it was when i first started but homecoming isnt until october 28th so ive still got time.. ill post some pictures up really soon once i get my camera back from one of my friends..

oh but back to my shopping spree.. i've been saving up all of my money so that i could blow it all when i drove out to the biggest mall in our area.. i came home with NO money left but bought 2920394820984 new items.. im so proud to say that in abercrombie ive gone from having to suck in and struggle to button the 0s to now the 00 are sortof on the baggy side..

and idk if its just me but ive noticed my hipbones, ribs and collarbones are rigid and poking out like crazy now.. plus ive been getting alot of attension about looking slimmer and almost skeletal.. people will be like "omg you look so tiny now" and things of that sort.. which makes me feel great about my progress but also pisses me off because im like thinking "what was i so fucking fat before and you just never told me? i would tell them if they were looking chunky in a certian pair of jeans or something so how come noone told me anything" but whatever people are just polite i guess?

guess what girlsss!!

EIGHT DOWN.. EIGHT MORE TO GO

weighed in today at 113

my intake is so much better now that im in school.. i wont eat anything except for dinner and maybe some fruit for a snack when i get home.. and most of the time ill just purge the dinner up so i cant imagine the last of my weight will take too long..

so yeah the drama is getting pretty bad.. but i could honestly care less.. im currently dating one of the hottest seniors in our school sooo naturally people will be jealous.. and they can all KISS MY ASS..

take for example this girl rania.. she gives me a good laugh.. today she said i was ugly.. ahhh i may not be some super model but let's take a look at this..

me:  

her:

hmm i dont think there is much competition.. but then again thats just my opinion

but anywayss.. sorry to like bitch everytime i get on here..

heres my intake for today;; (and every other day this past week)

b: --

l: --

s: --

d: whatever mom makes then i just purge it up

hope ill continue being good and not binge like crazy sometime.. because im halfway to my goal.. and im so driven.. i gotta make it before homecoming!

alright so yeah i started my first year of highschool last week.. and amazingly i really love it.. there are so many fucking hott seniors that i've met and with that i guess comes all of the jealous bitches.. who talk shit and spread rumors about you out of pure spite.. take this one for example..

thats roya.. shes an 8th grader.. she called me fat.. which i think is fucking hilarious, although it is unfortunatly very true because i am a fat heffer.. but compared to her im a fucking twig.. this girl weighs 135 pounds.. whereas im a mere 113 to her.. thats 20 pounds difference.. yeahhh thats crazy.. and she also says im ugly and have bad acne and although i cant post a picture of my face up.. you're gunna have to take my word for it.. im neither and not to sound conceited... but i look 394820485387469 times better than her..

ughhh now that i've gotten some of my frustration out.. ill stop going on about dumb bitches..

kso.. i've lost a few pounds.. not nearly enough... but im getting there.. im so glad school's started because its so much easier to not be tempted.. and i've also saved alot of money from not buying lunch..

 i've got gym first period and that means we workout for a total of 1 hour and 45 minutes everyday.. running a 2 mile warmup and then running 100-800 meter dashes.. we're practicing for cross-country and winter track meets... due to the fact that i was on vacation the last few weeks before school... i couldnt tryout for cheerleading.. but in about a month or so the winter cheering tryouts will be held.. and you better believe im gunna fucking make VARSITY bitchesssss.. haha yeah i've got some connections... but ugh lacrosse doesn't start until spring so yeahhhh i've gotta keep myself active or else ill gain like crazy

my intake for today;;

b: --

l: --

s: carrot

d: dry lettuce and celery

total: i guess those are like negative calories?

buttttttt yeah im off to the jv football game to see my BFF VANESSA cheer for the first time.. omgosh she's so fucking adorable and i love her to deathhhh

leave me some comments.. and do you girls think it'd be safe to put up actual pictures of my friends and i?? or is that too risky?? i cant decide whether or not to